This is not what progress looks like…

27 Feb

Last night, I spent an excessive amount of time on my new favorite site: Thisiswhyimbroke.com.

It is an entire site dedicated to insane things you can buy. Some of it is hilarious and awesome. There is a lot of Doctor Who stuffs and, thanks to this site, you can literally give a flying fuck.

There is a lot of crazy nonsense too.

Some of the products make you wonder about the people in this world…
snuggle-pillow

Snuggle Pillow (thisiswhyimbroke)

This seems like a joke that the consumer is not in on.

Right off the bat, it seems like a SNL commercial that has come to life.

“Are you having trouble sleeping? Try laying your head on a headless, lifeless, pillow person. He’ll never leave you.”

Apparently loneliness can be cured by sleeping on the partial torso of a pillow man?

(*NOT INCLUDED: Emily, the saddest girl!)

 

power-nap-capsule

Power Nap Capsule (HammacherSchlemmer)

Naps are important.

NASA says so.

The optimal nap time is usually around 15-20 minutes.

The study didn’t really touch on whether or not your nap is enhanced if you are sleeping in a 25,000 dollar douche chamber that doesn’t shut out light or sound.

I’m sure that study is on its way.

 

roller-buggy-3

Baby Stroller Scooter (thisiswhyimbroke)

This is just a concept for now. Hopefully, it will never be fully realized because it sounds like a disaster. The only way this product would be a good idea would be as a way to identify terrible parents (because that is the demographic that this stroller is aimed at).

The description alone should be a red flag “don’t be tied down by that pesky new born baby of yours.” If you are already describing your baby as a “pesky new born”, parenthood was the worst thing to ever happen to you (it will later be the worst thing to ever happen to your kid).

It goes on to say,”Your baby will love the adrenaline rush you give him.”

Um… do babies love adrenaline rushes?

Lights, shiny things, and movement are blowing this their minds.

Odds are they probably aren’t out chasing that next big rush.

 

opplanet-wenger-swiss-army-giant-knife-16999

Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife (amazon)

87 implements.

One of them is a key ring– you know, just in case you want to attach your keys to a 7.2lb brick.

Basically this “knife” is perfect for you if the usefulness and portability of of your typical swiss army knife wasn’t something that interested you.

Jeez. Just carry a toolkit.

 

baby-carrying-jacket

Baby Carrying Jacket (thisiswhyimbroke)

I like to think that this evolved out of a think tank that was tasked with turning the idea of a unhealthy co-dependant relationship between a mother and a child into a marketable product.

Because… success!

The visual for this is so unsettling. It looks as if the baby is being re-absorbed through her chest.

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