Tag Archives: german stuffs

Stuff That Happened This Week (July 7-14)

15 Jul

sthtw addams family

IN WHICH I FIND COOL STUFF ON THE INTERNET SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO! 

A weekly collection of kickass stuff I find on the internet.

Cool Stuff // And Also… // Articles // Videos // Trailers & TV/Movie News

DI Cool Stuff BarTEXAS POLITICIANS ARE TERRIFIED OF TAMPONS~  Texas politicians gathered at the state capitol on Friday to vote on an anti-abortion bill (which passed). The weird thing, though, is state troopers were confiscating tampons and maxi-pads at security. That sounds crazy, right? Surely there must be more to the story! The super-sleuths over at Twitchy (a site Michelle Malkin started up that draws its news from Twitter) had more to say: “Pro-aborts Whine About Tampon Confiscation at Texas Capitol; Fail To Say The Reason.

Guns were still allowed because there were no reports that people were going to either throw or shoot them at legislators [Twitchy]

Alright… so there you have it. No one FORMALLY announced that they were going to shoot a senator in the face so NO NEED TO WORRY ABOUT GUNS, YOU GUYS! Just to be clear- if people DID sneak in maxi-pads and tampons- the worst that would happen is that politicians would be embarrassed. Unless someone throws the entire BOX –there is very little chance of physical harm befalling anyone. Maxi-pads and tampons are mostly cotton. They are also super light. You can’t get enough velocity behind them to do any harm– unless you fashioned some sort of tampon nunchuck (which would be awesome and please do that someone!). WHEREAS- if someone forgot to let the world know that they were assassinating someone and brought in a gun- someone would probably legit die. Yeesh. In closing, enjoy this picture of Rick Santorum being pelted with tampons and maxi pads. [Huffington Post]

QUEERING UP MARVEL COMICS (because guys in tights just isn’t cutting it anymore)~ Andrew Garfield, the actor currently playing Spider-Man suggested Spider-man have a bi-racial boyfriend and everyone agreed with him and thought it was a great idea! Just kidding. They flipped their shit. Garfield was quoted as saying:

“What if MJ is a dude?’ Why can’t we discover that Peter is exploring his sexuality? It’s hardly even groundbreaking! So why can’t he be gay? Why can’t he be into boys?”

Spider-man could TOTALLY be into boys, you guys! He’s an attractive artsy type who lives in New York. AND YOU WOULD ONLY HAVE TO TWEEK THE THEME-SONG A LITTLE (Spider-man, Spider-man/your friendly bi-sexual Spider-man…). But people are HELLA sensitive about changes to the “traditional” Spider-man (“traditional” Spider-man being white and straight… just like every other Marvel superhero ever. Yawn.). The Internet was worked into a frenzy when there was a campaign to make Donald Glover the new Spiderman. People COULD NOT DEAL with a black Spider-man. Spider-man could not possibly be black! Donald Glover ended up not being the new Spider-man. There IS a black Spider-man, though. Why? Because Retroactive Continuity is totally a thing in the comic book world (and with studios rebooting franchises every eight years– it’s quickly becoming a thing in the movie world too). Superheroes have different histories and different stories depending on the series that they are in. So no matter what people INSIST– Spider-man can totally be black, or hispanic, or gay, or maybe even Canadian. If you know anyone who is flipping out over a bi-sexual Spider-Man, let them know that Helen Mirren suggested that Doctor Who should have a black, gay, LADY Doctor and watch their head explode. [The Mary Sue]

DI other stuff bar– Shitstorm added to German Dictionaries. [Planet Ivy]

– There is a giant T-Rex in Paris. T-Rex gloomily discovers that Parisians are all carbs. [Colossal]

– “15 Things That Escalated A Bit Too Quickly” [Buzzfeed]

– “Is This The Most Interesting Opening Paragraph Wikipedia’s Ever Published?” I want my Wikipedia page to have the same sort of gripping narrative. Also– I want to have a Wikipedia page. [Foreign Policy]

– The Miss Zandry Shop has awesome swag for ladies and feminists.  [TheMissZandryShop]

DI articles barA Closed Letter To Myself About Thievery, Heckling and Rape Jokes (Patton Oswalt)

What Did You Tell Your Kids After the Zimmerman Verdict? (Gene Demby // NPR)

DI videos bar“Everyone Is An Asshole” [College Humor]

“It’s Not About the Nail” [Jason Headley]

“Watch Alan Cumming Read Anything We Put In Front of Him” [Vulture]

The Time You Have (In Jellybeans) [Ze Frank]

Wadjda is the first movie to come out of Saudi Arabia that is directed by a woman. The movie looks like it will be funny and heartbreaking and I want to see it now. [Jezebel]

DI trailers and tv news barKristen Bell will be on Parks & Recreation [Entertainment Weekly]

Charlie Kaufman and Guillermo Del Toro are going to make a Slaughterhouse Five movie [Film School Rejects]

Everyone you love is dead or crazy, Homegirl!

15 May

I don’t know if the handful of people following this blog enjoy German silent films from the Weimar Era, but if you do– you’re in luck! This is a movie review of The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (Das Cabinet Des Dr. Caligari), a German expressionist film from the 20s. It’s a great movie. You should watch it (then come back here and talk about how crazy awesome it is). ENJOY!

cesarSilent films are crazy.

German films are crazy.

The fusion of the two together is almost too much.

Almost.

The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (Das Cabinet des Dr. Caligari) is actually pretty brilliant. Once you embrace the over-the-top and the awesomely dramatic– you realize it is a pretty amazing film.

It opens, ideally enough, with two men sitting on a park bench shooting the breeze about what else– ghosts. One man admits that “spirits surround us on every side… they have driven me from hearth and home, from wife and child!” Without missing a beat– his friend tells him, “That is NOTHING– listen to THIS!”

There is nothing worse than your friend constantly one-upping you… except maybe being haunted by ghosts.

The camera fades in on Narrator (Francis)’s hometown which is quaint and idyllic aaaaaand a terrifying post-impressionist painting. All the buildings and streets are uneven and geometrically unsettling and everyone is cranky because they are forced to sit in wildly uncomfortable post-impressionistic furniture.

Narrator (Francis) is actually pretty boring.

Look at how evil I am!

Look at how evil I am!

What is awesome is Dr. Caligari and how amazingly sinister he looks. Dr. Caligari rocks every “bad-guy” motif there is. He is like the Penguin, Ebenezer Scrooge, and Voldemort rolled into one. And just in case you weren’t quite catching on to how awesomely evil he is– every time he comes into frame, the creepy music from LOST starts playing.

Back to narrator (Francis) for a cheerful interlude before everything goes to hell.

Narrator (Francis) and his friend encounter Jane. It is awkward. Narrator (Francis) then cheerfully (and rather bluntly) announces “We both love her, but no matter how she chooses, let us remain friends.” Awww… “Bros before hos” is alive and well in Germany. You think to yourself for a moment that this could have been an adorable little german sitcom– a goofy Three’s A Company… except for the murder.

caligari post impressionist

My world is a geometric hellscape! Living in a post-impressionist painting blows : (

Some citizen is murdered in his little post-impressionist home with (and I quote) a “strange pointed object.”

Ummm… do Germans not know what knives are?

Back to the dastardly Dr. Calgari who now has an exhibit at the fair: “Cesare, the Somnambulist!” Apparently, Cesare has been sleeping for his entire life but whatevs ‘cos he can also tell the future!

As long as that future involves your death and Cesare murdering you.du musst caligari werden

(The fortunes are kind of fixed in that way.)

Cesare then tells Narrator (Francis)’s friend his fortune. Narrator friend dies and Narrator (Francis) undergoes a very intense german grief– throwing himself onto every piece of post-impressionist furniture he has.

In a seemingly irrelevant scene, Jane’s father is missing. Where does she look for clues? The fair! (of course). Who does she enlist to help her find them? The police? Narrator (Francis)? Nope. She goes straight to the fair and asks a carny. Naturally. (Homegirl is not too bright).

The carny is Dr. Caligari! (Homegirl is going to die)!

The next scene is Jane asleep in her post-impressionist bed and Cesare is coming to kill her with a strange pointed object (a knife). Overcome by her beauty and innocence– he is unable to kill her and kidnaps her instead. Cue chase scene over post impressionist roofs and through post impressionist fields (because EVERY German movie has a chase/ mob scene).

I kidnapped her... because of true love... and because I'm CRAAAAAA-ZAAAAY!

I kidnapped her… because of true love… and because I’m CRAAAAAA-ZAAAAY!

After a hearty chase, Cesare dies of a fall and Jane becomes irrelevant again.

Narrator (Francis) and his band of police men (who follow him for some reason) renew their determination to capture Caligari! (This is after they let Caligari escape… because they are busy looking at a mannequin… Caligari just walks away. Seriously). Narrator (Francis) chases the carny to the insane asylum.

It seems to be a dead end until they find Caligari’s black magic books describing in detail the possibility of binding a somnambulist to your will and getting him to do horrid deeds that he would not otherwise do.

They then read his diary, which begins sinisterly enough: “Dear Diary…” (It’s nice to see that Caligari introduces murder using the same gripping narrative teenage girls do.)

He ends up admitting that he has bound a somnambulist to his will and made him do horrid deeds that he would not otherwise do.

Enter Caligari.

Surrounded by his peers who now know about his horrid crimes– Caligari attempts to escape by choking everyone who stands in his way. Now– I know that he is crazy, but I’m just saying– if you want to escape from a room– individual stranglings are probably the worst way to go.

He is sent to a post-impressionist hospital room for the rest of his days.

So now we have learned– “Things not to do in an insane asylum: act insane.”

There is a twist at the end of the film that makes the story much more awesome. None of this M. Night Shyamalan nonsense– it is a genuine twist and you see why this movie is in the pantheon of classic horror movies. This movie is where Tim Burton, Alfred Hitchcock, and Romero got their inspiration.

The entire movie is here (sadly without the artistic title cards) but if you want a quick taste of the style the movie was shot in, Rob Zombie also did a music video that was completely inspired by “Dr. Caligari.”

SO, in summation, German silent film is crazy… crazy awesome.

“Zen Pencils” Brings The Words Of Sophie Scholl To Life

19 Mar

Click here to read the comic,

SOPHIE SCHOLL: The fire within.

Screen Shot 2013-03-19 at 4.50.00 PM

Sophie Scholl (1921-1943) was a German activist who is famous for speaking out against the Nazi regime. Scholl was a member of a protest group called The White Rose, which was formed by her brother Hans, and some of his university friends. The group mainly consisted of students in their early twenties who were fed up with the totalitarian rule of the government. The Nazis controlled every aspect of society – the media, police, military, judiciary system, communication system, all levels of education and all cultural and religious institutions. The White Rose distributed leaflets urging their fellow Germans to oppose the regime through non-violent resistance.

On 22nd February 1943, after the release of the sixth White Rose leaflet, Sophie, Hans and fellow member Christoph Probst were arrested by the Gestapo and convicted of treason. They were executed that same day by guillotine. Sophie was 21 years old. [from Zen Pencils]

– For more on Sophie Scholl’s badassery, check out the film Sophie Scholl: The Final Days. The movie follows the last six days of Sophie Scholl, a peaceful revolutionary in Nazi Germany who was executed for her “crimes.” You can see the trailer here, and (probably for a limited amount of time) you can watch the entire movie on YouTube here.

– The artist behind this comic is Gavin Aung Than and he publishes a weekly comic (every Tuesday) on his site, Zen Pencils. Check him out! He is amazing.

– Also, check out Sophie Scholl and the White Rose by Jud Newborn and Annetta Dumbach. It is the written companion to the movie (Sophie Scholl: The Final Days) and also just an amazing book.

Pope Benedict XVI: A Legacy of Funny Hats

15 Feb

When news broke that Pope Benedict XVI was quitting, I thought it was a prank headline.

I didn’t think you could just quit being Pope.

But apparently the reign of Pope Benedict XVI (soon to be Joseph Ratzinger once more) is coming to an end.

POPE red hat manip01

People are torn when it comes to Pope Benedict XVI’s legacy. Some believe him to be a great pope and others… not so much.

I think we can all agree, though, that Pope Benedict was the creepiest looking Pope since Boniface IX .POPE basic hat manip

(Yeah, I went there. Zing!)

Benedict XVI/Ratzinger cited age and fatigue as reasons for his resignation- which is reasonable.

It does lessen the magic when the head honcho and spiritual conduit for the oldest Christian establishment in the world is nodding off during Mass.

(Come on, you are supposed to be jacked up with the Holy Spirit!)

Personally, I didn’t think his German work ethic would allow him to quit.

When Germans are tired, they hike a mountain to relax.

If they do admit to being tired, more often than not, it is something more akin to “weariness“… a deep existential fatigue that robs the body and mind of purpose and vigor.

But if you suggest quitting your job with little or no job prospects on the horizon, they will look at you like you are an insane person.

POPE sombrero manip

Having Pope Benedict resign like this means one thing for certain: the Germans can never really make a joke about how lazy Polish people are ever again.

Pope John Paul II had every reason to resign from the papacy and no one would have faulted him for doing it either. He had Parkinson’s Disease and barely enough strength to support his head under the weight of that massive hat. You could literally see the weight of the world on his shoulders.

And yet, he was in it until the end.JOHN PAUL peekaboo

Pope Benedict XVI is now basically the German Sarah Palin.*

(*NOTE: The German Sarah Palin can still speak fluent Spanish, French, Latin, Italian, English, and German, as well as read Greek and Hebrew, and has traveled all over the world. But otherwise, they are practically leading parallel lives.)